And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
