I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm passing your future prison.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
