you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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