My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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