wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize