I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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