Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
