I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
