the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
