you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Randomize
