Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
