Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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