I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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