Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
