What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you win again, gameday.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
