Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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