my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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