my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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