Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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