Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
