I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
