doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
