My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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