No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
