I faked an abortion last night.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Its about making memories worth repressing
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
