So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
