He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I have post one night stand depression
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