Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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