Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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