worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
why is half of my head shaved?
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