On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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