im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
