she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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