lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
