every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
