her vagine was all disorganized.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
