I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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