I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
