so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
