I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
why is half of my head shaved?
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