if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
