evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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