Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
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It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
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well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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