College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
