Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
