you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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