3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
