How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
