if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
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For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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