Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Mom said you looked used
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Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
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I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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