Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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