you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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