eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
