if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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