I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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