She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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