No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
