she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
