Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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