So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If I had your ass I would rule the world
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
