when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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